His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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