I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
