I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize