He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize