so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
