She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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