Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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