Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Randomize