So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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