Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
