i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
