People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
