he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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