do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
