apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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