Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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