Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So many bounce houses so little time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
