when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
