oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
