Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize