Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
