He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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