so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm like, not good at living.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
