Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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