Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
