I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
