Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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