No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
