You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
