My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
