i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
