I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize