Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
