you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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