I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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