turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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