The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
