i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think people are normalizing furries
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
