she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
