I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
