was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
