glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you win again, gameday.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
