problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
