He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
