You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
