If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
