you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
