ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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