how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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