youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
