dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize