My Higher Power is John Stamos
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
