hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
