i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
