I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
