Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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