My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
