Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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