i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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