I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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