Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
