I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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