I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
