Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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