Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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