No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
