I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
