How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
