just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
high people should be assigned attendants
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
